That's what he said to me.
So, it didn't happen, as expected. I was only counting down for fun... haha... just to keep myself entertained. Yea.. wadeva..
He asked me to wait for him. He thought it didn't make sense if it happened this yr anyway. My parents wouldn't approve, I couldn't wear it, and what's the point? Yah, I agree. I was just in denial. I knew it, but was just hoping for a miracle. But sadly, miracles seldom happen. ha.. I told him if it didn't happen by last day of Oct 09, I will "free" myself and keep my options open. He didn't want that to happen. He didn't want me to cease his "exclusive" status in my heart. He said he wanted me, really wanted to be with me (as in getting married la!), but he knows my parents won't allow if we mentioned now. He said if we wait till next yr the chances would be better. I dunno if I shld believe him. He said he's definitely gonna get a full time job after his exam in June and switch to PT studies. It sounded so sweet. I was touched. But I dunno if it will get postponed again come June 2010. That was the date I fantasized abt holding our ROM... haha.. silly me. He said this time DEFINITELY won't postpone anymore, coz it's very realistic and within reach. or something to that effect. he said in the past, it's bcoz i'm too stubborn and refuse to admit that it can't happen. but now, it's not me deciding when, it's him, and he knows when will be the "safe" and "stable" time to bring up the issue to them. I dunno. He's trying to convince me. Part of me is convinced. Part of me is skeptical. Worried that history will repeat itself all over. It was supposed to be this yr. 1st plan was Feb, then became June, then became Oct... Now he tells me next yr June. Really? Huh? Sure? Wadeva..
What if it doesn't happen again? My youth is not meant to be squandered away. Pls don't hurt me anymore. If u make me wait any longer (ok, I accept June 2010 as the new and definite deadline, no more extension) I might not walk away, but I might not show any happiness when it happens. I can imagine myself being expressionless. true, giving him more time would imply that it would be a more well-planned/well-prepared affair. So? It's just my imagination. It might be as sucky as happening today, 31st Oct 09. Who knows? I've lost confidence. U see, the thing about waiting... good things are worth waiting for, right? But how long is too long? And what kind of quality justifies for this kind of wait? I feel like a fool...
Pardon me for my lousy english in this post. Tears are flowing as I type. I can't think properly.
So what's the plan for now?
2010
Oct - May: Nua-ing, stagnating, rotting, doing whatever I like
June: Wait and see if it's gonna happen by the last day of June (which coincidentally is our 5 yr of being tgt. wadeva)
July - Oct: talk to our folks?
Dec: ROM? (or will it be tgt with the customary 1?)
2011
Jan - June: prep for that supposedly big day
June onwards: HAHA... maybe what was due to happen in june 2010 hasn't even happened!! I'm still waiting now, June 2011
2012
Jan: He decided that he doesn't wanna be with me afterall
Feb: Jumping off a building or something
End of the story
Juz kiddin! Why would I be so stupid? hahahahah
so yea, i'll update next yr june if *anything* at all happened.
hate those tears... why the f*** am i cryin?
kns!
f*** life la!
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
don't lose focus
i know what i want. and i'm working towards it. i shldn't get frustrated over the little obstacles that pop up along the way. the problem will be solved eventually. don't get stressed up. everything will be fine. don't grumble and complain - i shld channel my energy to make things happen, and not waste them on negative thoughts. i know i can do it. i know we can do it. slow and steady, one little step at a time, we will arrive at our destination. and i know that's not the end. that new status will be, in fact, a new beginning, new responsibilities, new set of problems. but as long as u're by my side, i'm contented, i'm happy. problems may come in various forms, but as long as our hearts beat as one, we can conquer them. look straight ahead, focus on what needs to be done. don't look back, don't look to the sides, or i'll get distracted. we will convince them. we will make it happen. not 5 yrs later, not 3 yrs later, but 2 yrs later, as we've discussed about. we will talk to them, tell them our reasons, prove to them that we are ready to face the inevitable problems.
there are many ways to approach an issue. no doubt it will be a little difficult when we're not financially stable yet. but as long as we're willing to work on an agreed framework, things will fall in place eventually. as long as we don't quarrel and lose sight of our goal, we can survive. i'm willing to make the sacrifice as long as we can live our lives together earlier than what they think it shld be. sure, couples quarrel over money matters. but we can discuss it properly and keep to the rules. i mean, there are ppl who have had it worse. unplanned pregnancy, both are still in school, yet they manage to stay together. success rate may be low, but those who really put in effort to make it happen are rewarded with a sweet happy family in the end. sure, most of them end up in bitter divorce. but there are still ppl out there who stayed together happily right? There's no right or wrong answers to this. Really. It's how much effort you're willing to put in.
I don't see why it can't work out. Of course my parents will always have complains about u bcoz ultimately who doesn't want their daughter to marry a "perfect" man? But we all know that the "perfect man" doesn't exist in reality. However, the "perfect match" where the guy and gal compliment each other do exist. But it requires compromising and understanding. I am working on it already. Unless you don't believe that i'm the 1 for u... then i got nothing to say already. Let me tell u, they wouldn't just say "ok, u can marry my daughter" without questioning at all even if it's 5 yrs down the road. Why not just face it earlier? I am on your side! We shall find a nice timing somewhere in dec - feb an approach the issue peacefully. Tell them that we're getting engaged bcoz we really love each other and want to live with each other for the rest of our lives. It's not as if we've just gotten together for 3 months! i know 4 yrs isn't a long period, but hey, it's not short either!! we still have the rest of our lives to understand each other better. Tell them that we're planning to get married in 2011 (bcoz by then u'll already have a job - hey, u better make sure u get a job next yr ok!!! the economy is recovering already). Let them know that we're serious about each other. I'm not 19 yrs old anymore! I'm old enough to make big decisions in my life. Yes, money will always pose as a problem. But it won't remain as that big a problem forever! We will survive.
there are many ways to approach an issue. no doubt it will be a little difficult when we're not financially stable yet. but as long as we're willing to work on an agreed framework, things will fall in place eventually. as long as we don't quarrel and lose sight of our goal, we can survive. i'm willing to make the sacrifice as long as we can live our lives together earlier than what they think it shld be. sure, couples quarrel over money matters. but we can discuss it properly and keep to the rules. i mean, there are ppl who have had it worse. unplanned pregnancy, both are still in school, yet they manage to stay together. success rate may be low, but those who really put in effort to make it happen are rewarded with a sweet happy family in the end. sure, most of them end up in bitter divorce. but there are still ppl out there who stayed together happily right? There's no right or wrong answers to this. Really. It's how much effort you're willing to put in.
I don't see why it can't work out. Of course my parents will always have complains about u bcoz ultimately who doesn't want their daughter to marry a "perfect" man? But we all know that the "perfect man" doesn't exist in reality. However, the "perfect match" where the guy and gal compliment each other do exist. But it requires compromising and understanding. I am working on it already. Unless you don't believe that i'm the 1 for u... then i got nothing to say already. Let me tell u, they wouldn't just say "ok, u can marry my daughter" without questioning at all even if it's 5 yrs down the road. Why not just face it earlier? I am on your side! We shall find a nice timing somewhere in dec - feb an approach the issue peacefully. Tell them that we're getting engaged bcoz we really love each other and want to live with each other for the rest of our lives. It's not as if we've just gotten together for 3 months! i know 4 yrs isn't a long period, but hey, it's not short either!! we still have the rest of our lives to understand each other better. Tell them that we're planning to get married in 2011 (bcoz by then u'll already have a job - hey, u better make sure u get a job next yr ok!!! the economy is recovering already). Let them know that we're serious about each other. I'm not 19 yrs old anymore! I'm old enough to make big decisions in my life. Yes, money will always pose as a problem. But it won't remain as that big a problem forever! We will survive.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
14 days
are u sure it will happen? or are u just trying to "entertain" me and get me to put down the phone soon when u said "yes, it will happen"?
seriously i don't know. i'm not u. but i really feel like it won't. i mean, how, and why? it just feels unreal.
will it happen? why am i so skeptical? bcoz i don't trust u? bcoz i don't trust myself?
14 days... and i'll know the answer.
if it doesn't, then goodbye.
if it does, then good lor. i'm supposed to say "if it does, then i'll be so happy & elated and all". but now, i can only say" good lor".
it just feels like it won't happen for 99.9%. if that 0.1% happens, ok lor, i will say yes immediately. whatever.
seriously i don't know. i'm not u. but i really feel like it won't. i mean, how, and why? it just feels unreal.
will it happen? why am i so skeptical? bcoz i don't trust u? bcoz i don't trust myself?
14 days... and i'll know the answer.
if it doesn't, then goodbye.
if it does, then good lor. i'm supposed to say "if it does, then i'll be so happy & elated and all". but now, i can only say" good lor".
it just feels like it won't happen for 99.9%. if that 0.1% happens, ok lor, i will say yes immediately. whatever.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
I'm going to work hard to achieve what I want!
Was chatting with my mum in the afternoon about how Singaporeans are getting married at a later age... how most couples who got married earlier than their peers either 1) kena accident so no choice 2) have the male being at least 5 yrs older than the female, thus is financially stable already, so the female don't need to have a stable career yet. What started the conversation was her mentioning of my cousin's upcoming ROM.. And how expensive banquets can be.. who they're inviting... or something along that line la..
And so she was saying that nowadays, 25 - 27 (for females) is quite a common age to get married, and it's not too bad a timing. Then I was like, I don't care, 25 is the latest for me already. I MUST get married when I'm 25!!! Then she was like, whatever, it's you who's getting married, not me. Hahahahahahha... Hey, at least that's an "improvement" from her response already worh! Last time she will just object directly!! K la, maybe last time was bcoz I kept pushing for 23. And yea, I'm 23 already -_- So, 1st round, sort of got thru le! (dunno what my dad will say though :X)
Then I was saying, how come a lot of ppl are saying that u'll need SO much money to prepare for wedding... For me, I know I'm not going to buy a house anytime soon, gonna wait for the market to cool down 1st, and my wedding banquet won't be too expensive either, coz I don't have much ppl to invite anyway. I'm guessing my parents' n sis' friends will outnumber my friends -_- whatever.. so i was saying, since I'm not gonna invite so many ppl, dun need that much money also right? then my mum was like, if u're marrying andy, his dad that kind of person sure got a lot of friends to invite 1 lor. then i said "he wanna invite many friends then he pay for those extra tables la! not my friends what. anyway banquets usually is the guy pay 1 mah.. i don't need to have a lot of money from my savings just to pay for those!" then my mum said "u see, if the dad pays for it, next time the parents will have stuff to say after u all get married.. like, i paid for my son's wedding, how come my son keeps going to the female's parents' place after getting married etc..." diaoz -_- can't believe she can think of this kind of thing lor... then she went on to say how having 50K savings is good preparation... then i retorted "wah, that's gonna be until i'm 30! I'm not gonna wait till i'm 30! 25 is late enough for me!!" then she asked me why i insist on 25. Then i say when i'm 27 i'll look older already. Not nice anymore. Then she said if not having kids yet why wanna hurry? I said I wanna have kids lor! Then she said I'm still in school. I said "aiya, after 25 can already!" Then she ask something like what is the 2 yrs difference of married life going to make (as in why not 27, why must 25). Then I said "life's so short, why cannot get married earlier?"
I know I'm more prepared this time round, as compared to 3 yrs ago, when I was starting to talk to my parents about this marriage issue. U see, apart from having seen more stuff, I also have a bit of my own $$ now.. haha..
I was talking to dearie on the phone just now.. And I was saying how come i heard of so many couples quarreling (some end up annuling their ROM or divorcing) bcoz of $ issue. I don't want to be faced with that. And I asked him, given our current circumstance, i.e. I'm getting my stipend and he's working part-time (our combined salary is about 2K), is it going to be ok for our current financial commitments.. i.e. our bills, meals, transport etc.. I'm seriously sitting down to consider all these factors. And if we do get ROM-ed next yr, and are staying at my place, obviously need to give my parents $ right.. I'm thinking of whether $500/mth is enough... If we're giving $500, we'll still have enough for both of us to spend (combining his income too). As for his parents' side, depends on how much he's earning lor.. haha.. Fair what! right? dear?
OMG I'm so excited that we're so much closer to that BIG event in our lives :P
Dearie.. Keep your promise ok... no later then last day of October!! I don't care :P
U're making me so excited I can't stop smiling to myself... hahahah... grinning like dunno what~ can't even type properly le.. heehee
Check this space for updates soon... hopefully after oct :D
And so she was saying that nowadays, 25 - 27 (for females) is quite a common age to get married, and it's not too bad a timing. Then I was like, I don't care, 25 is the latest for me already. I MUST get married when I'm 25!!! Then she was like, whatever, it's you who's getting married, not me. Hahahahahahha... Hey, at least that's an "improvement" from her response already worh! Last time she will just object directly!! K la, maybe last time was bcoz I kept pushing for 23. And yea, I'm 23 already -_- So, 1st round, sort of got thru le! (dunno what my dad will say though :X)
Then I was saying, how come a lot of ppl are saying that u'll need SO much money to prepare for wedding... For me, I know I'm not going to buy a house anytime soon, gonna wait for the market to cool down 1st, and my wedding banquet won't be too expensive either, coz I don't have much ppl to invite anyway. I'm guessing my parents' n sis' friends will outnumber my friends -_- whatever.. so i was saying, since I'm not gonna invite so many ppl, dun need that much money also right? then my mum was like, if u're marrying andy, his dad that kind of person sure got a lot of friends to invite 1 lor. then i said "he wanna invite many friends then he pay for those extra tables la! not my friends what. anyway banquets usually is the guy pay 1 mah.. i don't need to have a lot of money from my savings just to pay for those!" then my mum said "u see, if the dad pays for it, next time the parents will have stuff to say after u all get married.. like, i paid for my son's wedding, how come my son keeps going to the female's parents' place after getting married etc..." diaoz -_- can't believe she can think of this kind of thing lor... then she went on to say how having 50K savings is good preparation... then i retorted "wah, that's gonna be until i'm 30! I'm not gonna wait till i'm 30! 25 is late enough for me!!" then she asked me why i insist on 25. Then i say when i'm 27 i'll look older already. Not nice anymore. Then she said if not having kids yet why wanna hurry? I said I wanna have kids lor! Then she said I'm still in school. I said "aiya, after 25 can already!" Then she ask something like what is the 2 yrs difference of married life going to make (as in why not 27, why must 25). Then I said "life's so short, why cannot get married earlier?"
I know I'm more prepared this time round, as compared to 3 yrs ago, when I was starting to talk to my parents about this marriage issue. U see, apart from having seen more stuff, I also have a bit of my own $$ now.. haha..
I was talking to dearie on the phone just now.. And I was saying how come i heard of so many couples quarreling (some end up annuling their ROM or divorcing) bcoz of $ issue. I don't want to be faced with that. And I asked him, given our current circumstance, i.e. I'm getting my stipend and he's working part-time (our combined salary is about 2K), is it going to be ok for our current financial commitments.. i.e. our bills, meals, transport etc.. I'm seriously sitting down to consider all these factors. And if we do get ROM-ed next yr, and are staying at my place, obviously need to give my parents $ right.. I'm thinking of whether $500/mth is enough... If we're giving $500, we'll still have enough for both of us to spend (combining his income too). As for his parents' side, depends on how much he's earning lor.. haha.. Fair what! right? dear?
OMG I'm so excited that we're so much closer to that BIG event in our lives :P
Dearie.. Keep your promise ok... no later then last day of October!! I don't care :P
U're making me so excited I can't stop smiling to myself... hahahah... grinning like dunno what~ can't even type properly le.. heehee
Check this space for updates soon... hopefully after oct :D
Monday, September 14, 2009
Ignore the stupid countdown thingy.
coz i'm too lazy to make another one.
seriously no mood to do it anyway... haha..
i know it's not happening soon.
really..
i've changed the FB wedding book date again. and the new date doesn't mean anything as well. it's just for my own amusement. counting down to nothing. counting down to just another randomly picked date. ok, not that random. i actually chose my 24th bday date la.. but it's not some ROM date or what.
seriously i dunno when it's gonna happen. whether he's gonna do that BIG thingy this year. if he doesn't, i also dunno what will happen, dunno what i'll do. waiting for so long ain't a good thing yea?
i know what i'm gonna say next won't sound too nice, but if i don't say it, i feel like i'm gonna explode soon (so pls allow me to let it out.. catharsis effect)
i know of several couples who r gonna get married soon. like this yr, next yr, and 2011.. yah.. 2011 is still 2 yrs later. but it still beat me hands down coz i dun even know if i'm even gonna get married in 2015. ha. well anyway, i'm seriously envious of these ppl who can finally tie the knot and life their lives with their better half. why the F*** is this not happening to me yet? F*** life. it sux waiting aimlessly, endlessly. u know, at least let me get engaged 1st or something? let me have a REAL date to look forward to. and not just set these bogus dates in my blog and in FB to bluff myself that, yes, something is happening soon, my "big day" is coming soon, when in fact, nothing is happening. at all. yes, i'm just fooling myself. trying to make myself feel better. ha. DAMMIT! why am i doing all these stupid things? why the F*** can't things speed up? i'm already having my own source of income, he's also working (though it's only part time for now). how long more do i have to wait? i'm seriously sick and tired of all these wait. nothing confirmed. nothing solid. nothing. no nothing. no ring, no promise, no real discussion. no nothing. no difference from those 16 yr old kids holding hands walking around orchard road. seriously.
F*** life man!
so screwed up!
seriously no mood to do it anyway... haha..
i know it's not happening soon.
really..
i've changed the FB wedding book date again. and the new date doesn't mean anything as well. it's just for my own amusement. counting down to nothing. counting down to just another randomly picked date. ok, not that random. i actually chose my 24th bday date la.. but it's not some ROM date or what.
seriously i dunno when it's gonna happen. whether he's gonna do that BIG thingy this year. if he doesn't, i also dunno what will happen, dunno what i'll do. waiting for so long ain't a good thing yea?
i know what i'm gonna say next won't sound too nice, but if i don't say it, i feel like i'm gonna explode soon (so pls allow me to let it out.. catharsis effect)
i know of several couples who r gonna get married soon. like this yr, next yr, and 2011.. yah.. 2011 is still 2 yrs later. but it still beat me hands down coz i dun even know if i'm even gonna get married in 2015. ha. well anyway, i'm seriously envious of these ppl who can finally tie the knot and life their lives with their better half. why the F*** is this not happening to me yet? F*** life. it sux waiting aimlessly, endlessly. u know, at least let me get engaged 1st or something? let me have a REAL date to look forward to. and not just set these bogus dates in my blog and in FB to bluff myself that, yes, something is happening soon, my "big day" is coming soon, when in fact, nothing is happening. at all. yes, i'm just fooling myself. trying to make myself feel better. ha. DAMMIT! why am i doing all these stupid things? why the F*** can't things speed up? i'm already having my own source of income, he's also working (though it's only part time for now). how long more do i have to wait? i'm seriously sick and tired of all these wait. nothing confirmed. nothing solid. nothing. no nothing. no ring, no promise, no real discussion. no nothing. no difference from those 16 yr old kids holding hands walking around orchard road. seriously.
F*** life man!
so screwed up!
Monday, July 6, 2009
time to update a bit.. haha
so anyway, if u have read my other blog, i got accepted into the masters course already :P yay!! means income more or less secured :) and this means we're in a better position to discuss the big issue with our parents... haha..
seems like i can't wait to get married hor? yes, i definitely am >.< coz i believe life's too short for us to keep waiting for things to happen, too short for any regrets. while some ppl might say that good things r worth waiting for, i dun see how waiting another 2 - 3 yrs will make our marriage any better. sure, the wedding could be better, with more expensive food, better restaurant, better ambience, more expensive bridal gown, and easier to convince our parents to let us get married (maybe we don't even need to convince them. maybe they'll initiate the topic).. but that also means 2 - 3 yrs wasted not living tgt. and i dun see how that extra couple of yrs will make us more loving or make our love stronger.. haha.. i know i wanna share my life with him, i know i'm more than ready to be a Mrs mentally & emotionally. it's just that we don't have that much money for a fancy wedding.. haha.. and actually i don't really need a fancy wedding since i don't have much friends, and there aren't really that many relatives that i'll be inviting. so most probably we'll be having a simple but intimate & sweet ceremony for the ROM, where only my closest friends & relatives will be invited.. haha.. i don't think the number of friends i'll be inviting will exceed 10. hahaha...
dearie sort of agreed to my schedule from the previous post le... as in the months he promised to get certain things done is similar to what i've listed down.. yay!!
closer to our plan.. heehee
and as i was saying to some of u, it really doesn't matter if i don't get to ROM with him this yr or next yr, as long as we manage to set a date, i'll be contented. but i still hope that the customary wedding can be by early 2011 la.. hahaha...
yes, i know many of u already know my plan to get married (like can't wait to get married) for many many times le... this shows that i'm not just 三分钟热度 lor.. it means that i'm really serious... and still working hard to achieve it :P
wish me good luck in convincing my parents :D
seems like i can't wait to get married hor? yes, i definitely am >.< coz i believe life's too short for us to keep waiting for things to happen, too short for any regrets. while some ppl might say that good things r worth waiting for, i dun see how waiting another 2 - 3 yrs will make our marriage any better. sure, the wedding could be better, with more expensive food, better restaurant, better ambience, more expensive bridal gown, and easier to convince our parents to let us get married (maybe we don't even need to convince them. maybe they'll initiate the topic).. but that also means 2 - 3 yrs wasted not living tgt. and i dun see how that extra couple of yrs will make us more loving or make our love stronger.. haha.. i know i wanna share my life with him, i know i'm more than ready to be a Mrs mentally & emotionally. it's just that we don't have that much money for a fancy wedding.. haha.. and actually i don't really need a fancy wedding since i don't have much friends, and there aren't really that many relatives that i'll be inviting. so most probably we'll be having a simple but intimate & sweet ceremony for the ROM, where only my closest friends & relatives will be invited.. haha.. i don't think the number of friends i'll be inviting will exceed 10. hahaha...
dearie sort of agreed to my schedule from the previous post le... as in the months he promised to get certain things done is similar to what i've listed down.. yay!!
closer to our plan.. heehee
and as i was saying to some of u, it really doesn't matter if i don't get to ROM with him this yr or next yr, as long as we manage to set a date, i'll be contented. but i still hope that the customary wedding can be by early 2011 la.. hahaha...
yes, i know many of u already know my plan to get married (like can't wait to get married) for many many times le... this shows that i'm not just 三分钟热度 lor.. it means that i'm really serious... and still working hard to achieve it :P
wish me good luck in convincing my parents :D
Thursday, June 18, 2009
looks like he's not gonna start bringing back money earlier than me
but anyway, i still hope that we'll be able to convince my parents (he said his parents sure no problem 1). i really hope that they can understand my desire to settle down despite the fact that he hasn't started working yet. i don't mind starting working 1st. u know, at least ROM 1st, then when he really starts working full-time already then we'll hold the customary wedding or something. which would be in 2011?
looks like my old "schedule" is outdated already ar.. haha.. lemme see what the new schedule shall look like..
1) Discuss with his parents about it - Aug/Sep 2009
2) Discuss with my parents about it - Sep-Dec/2009
3) ROM - Late 2009/early 2010
4) Customary wedding - Late 10/early 2011?
BECAUSE.... i wanna have my 1st kid while I'm 25. Which is like latest by Dec2011? I mean if i can conceive lor... this kind of thing... well, i dunno if my body got any problem or not right? haha... and sometimes this kind of thing is not up to us to decide mah.. can only plan. whether the plan is successful will depend on God lor. But, let's say I can have things my way, it would mean preparing for the baby by March2011. Which means by then I have to get married already lar!!! hahaha...
Ok, let's see if this new schedule will come true k?
haiz... wait wait wait... wait for so long already still nothing happen. gah!!!!!!
ANDY YU! U OWE ME AN EXPLANATION!!!
looks like my old "schedule" is outdated already ar.. haha.. lemme see what the new schedule shall look like..
1) Discuss with his parents about it - Aug/Sep 2009
2) Discuss with my parents about it - Sep-Dec/2009
3) ROM - Late 2009/early 2010
4) Customary wedding - Late 10/early 2011?
BECAUSE.... i wanna have my 1st kid while I'm 25. Which is like latest by Dec2011? I mean if i can conceive lor... this kind of thing... well, i dunno if my body got any problem or not right? haha... and sometimes this kind of thing is not up to us to decide mah.. can only plan. whether the plan is successful will depend on God lor. But, let's say I can have things my way, it would mean preparing for the baby by March2011. Which means by then I have to get married already lar!!! hahaha...
Ok, let's see if this new schedule will come true k?
haiz... wait wait wait... wait for so long already still nothing happen. gah!!!!!!
ANDY YU! U OWE ME AN EXPLANATION!!!
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